What’s love got to do with it? — Tina Turner
Boy meets girl, girl meets boy. There’s a roller coaster and it has a feature of a whirlwind effect. You are both on it. It’s so fast it makes you dizzy. Your body experiences so many different things at the same time. Butterflies in your tummy, sweaty palms, body smell changes, dry mouth, weak at the knees and other things.
We set standards for love: he must be kind, gentle, sweet, generous, attentive, loving and so on. What happens to all that when we first fall in love? In fact, what happens to all that on our first date, second date? Why is it we lose all our cold logic, our rational thought?
Well the moment we allow a sense of intimacy to develop with someone and this intimacy goes deep, our muscles relax and a weight seems to lift off our shoulders. We even begin to think this could be our soul mate. We are hearing what we want to hear. “We have so many things in common”, “It’s like I have known him for ever”.
Unlike a feeling of love for our parents or siblings, romantic love has a different sense of expectancy. It’s spontaneous, delicious, and has a sense of destiny. A future outcome and a destination. Romantic love comes through the front door unexpectedly like a steam train and either stays or leaves by the back door. When intimacy has gone love goes with it.
There are many reasons intimacy fails. Those who know how to hold onto intimacy stay together, a lot of us don’t know how and loose it. We then have to start all over again. Meeting someone special and keeping your relationship has rules to it. There are methods and when you understand how it works, it works very well. You too can meet him and keep him even with stiff competition.
Of course, I sometimes get asked if its worth keeping him as it’s not much different to keeping a big hair shedding dog that barks every now and then. I say you are not meant to be alone and there are many health advantages being together both mentally and physically, but that’s another story for another blog.
Do you find it difficult to express yourself honestly with the ones you love? Are you often careful to censor your true thoughts so you don’t cause hurt? Contact Fiona to learn to be true to yourself when you’re in a relationship.